Anecdotes

Joke 38: Marriage
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
 
 
Joke 37: What matters
 
On a party: "Darling - says a guest to her girlfriend – I am amazed how calm you remain watching your husband flirting with other women!"
"You see, my dear – replies the wife - my dog
??also continuously chases cars, but this doesn’t mean he drives them.."


Joke 36: Strange Names

Two Indians talk about names: "Don’t you think that many white people have stupid names like John, Peter, Stephen?"
"You're right, brother Dog Ass."

 
Joke 35: Happiness

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a  little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 
Joke 34: Use every chance

During a robbery, one of the robbers accidentally slid his mask down.
He looked at a man and asked: “Did you see my face?”
The man said” “Sorry, yes!” The robber shot him and asked a woman” “Did you see my face?”
She said: “No, but my husband over there did.”


Joke 33: What is marriage

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.


Joke 32: Sample Husband

The wife: "I'm very sick. You have to look after our child."
"Do not worry, dear, I am a responsible husband!"
The next morning the father accompanies the child to the nearest kindergarden.  However, in the garden he gets an answer that the child is not enrolled in that kindergarden.  The father and the child headed towards the second kindergarden, then to the third, the fourth - and everywhere the father gets the same answer.  And on top of these problems the child is mumbling:"Daddy, Daddy, I want to say something important to you!"
"Say what you have to say!" - shouts the father after the fifth kindergarten.
"Daddy, as a result of this running from one kindergarden to another I am late for school!"
 

Anecdote 31: The Greatest Nation

Year 345 BC. A Greek hero meets a Roman and proudly declares: "We, The Greeks, are the greatest nation - we have invented sex."
The Roman promptly replied: "Yes, but we found out that it is much more pleasant with a woman."
 

Anecdote 30: Know When to Joke

A young and inexperienced pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.  During his first nighttime runway approach, instead of making an official requests to the tower, he joked: "Guess who!"
The controller switched the runway lights off and replied: "Guess where!"
 

Anecdote 29: Knowledge and Capability

"What is the common thing between consultants and eunuch?"
"Both know how and both cannot do it."

 
Anecdote 28: Specialization and Reason
 
A man noticed two people working along the town sidewalks. T he man was very impressed with their hard work, but he couldn't understand what they were doing.  So he approached the workers:"I appreciate how hard you're working, but what exactly are you doing?  It seems to me that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again."
"The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today."

 
Anecdote 27: Hunter’s Woe
 
A man calls his wife and says that he has been asked to go hunting with his boss for the weekend.
“This is a chance for me to get a promotion.  Would you pack me enough clothes and my sniper rifle.  And please, pack my new pajamas."
The wife founds the request a little strange but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.  After the weekend the husband comes home happy.
The wife asks him “Did you shoot a deer?”.
"Yes!  And 2 rabbits too.  But why didn't you pack my new pajamas?"
"I did, they were in your rifle box."

 

Anecdote 26: Tactful

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.  I don't like to interrupt her.
 

Anecdote 25: Statistics

"What is statistics"
"It's like the swimming suit - shows much, but hides what matters."

 

Anecdote 24: Recommendation

A famous dramatic critic is writing a recommendation to a theatre director: "I heartily recommend you this young actor, a good friend of mine.  He is very gifted.  he could play Hamlet, Romeo, Caesar, and also billiards.  He is extremely good in billiards."

 
Anecdote 23: The Magic Pen
 
“why is your homework in your Dads writing?” the teacher asks.
“Because I used his pen” the pupil replied.

 
Anecdote 22: Age as an Advantage

Rob, a 71-year-old, wealthy widower, enters a pub with a very sexy 29-year-old blond woman.  She hangs over Rob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the pub are all aghast.  At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Rob, how'd you get that trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90’.
 

Anecdote 21:
joke, anecdote, humor, humour